Sayings
"My father can beat your father.
"Big deal. So can my mother.
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
"The trouble with most men is they know all about women
but nothing about wives.
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
They lived happily
until they got married.
"Why did you hit your wife with a chair?"
"I couldn't lift the table."
My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise
he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
We have a quiet home life.
I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
"I passed your house yesterday."
"Thanks I appreciate it."
Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow
because she didn't want to wake the children.
"What do U use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
They call our language the mother tongue
because the father seldom gets to speak.
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him
happy?"
"Guilty. Ten days or twenty dollars?"
"I'll take the twenty dollars, Judge."
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
There are two kinds of secrets :
one is not worth keeping
and the other is too good to keep.
"I heard you missed school yesterday."
"Not a bit."
There's one thing good about being poor
- its inexpensive.
Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off
with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
Simon Ratcliffe 03/30/1999Categories: Slightly Smutty