Aircraft Squawks
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
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Pilot Report: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Solution Recorded: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
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Pilot Report: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution Recorded: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
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Pilot Report: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution Recorded: Something tightened in cockpit.
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Pilot Report: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution Recorded: Live bugs on back-order.
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Pilot Report: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Solution Recorded: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
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Pilot Report: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution Recorded: Evidence removed.
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Pilot Report: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution Recorded: DME volume set to more believable level.
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Pilot Report: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution Recorded: That's what they're there for.
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Pilot Report: IFF inoperative.
Solution Recorded: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
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Pilot Report: Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution Recorded: Suspect you're right.
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Pilot Report: Number 3 engine missing.
Solution Recorded: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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Pilot Report: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution Recorded: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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Pilot Report: Target radar hums.
Solution Recorded: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
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Pilot Report: Mouse in cockpit.
Solution Recorded: Cat installed.
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Pilot Report: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution Recorded: Took hammer away from midget.
Leo Green 07/02/1998Categories: Clean, Brilliant, Flying