It's not funny

Accident Report

This is an accident report which was printed in the
newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers'
Compensation Board. This is the bricklayer's report . . . a
true story.

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in section 3 of the accident report form. I put
'Poor Planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a
fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be
sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the
accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story
building. When I completed my work, I found I had some
bricks left over which, when weighed later were found
to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by
using a pulley which was attached to the side of the
building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground
level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and
loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the
rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
bricks. You will note in section 11 of the accident report
form that my weight is 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being
jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of
mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In
the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was
now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This
explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken
collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report
form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping, until the fingers of my right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I
had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold
tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was
now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time,
however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom
fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the
bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer
you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a
rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity
of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and
severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck
began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell
into the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only three
vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I
lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I
again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

Ben Blaney 05/21/1999Categories: Clean, Brilliant, Probably Not True

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