It's not funny

HE SAID SHE SAID

TO MY DEAR WIFE,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 10 days. The following
is a list of why I did not succeed more often.

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said you weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6
times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me of the crack in the
ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had
to wake you and tell you I was finished and 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you
because I felt you move.

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get
more than you did.

5 times you came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat
36 times you didn't come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and got kicked in the balls
4 times you got stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc.

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you
missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The
time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


Anonymous 10/02/1998Categories: Slightly Smutty



Jade Cat Ltd.