It's not funny

HR Memo

I have been asked by HR to pass on the following memo to you all.
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been
using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to the
complaints from some employees who are more easily offended, this
type of language will not be tolerated We do realise, however, the
importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when
communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human
Resources Department has compiled a list code phrase replacements so
that the proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in an
effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive
co-workers.

OLD PHRASE / NEW PHRASE

1) No fucking Way - I'm fairly sure that is not feasible
2) You're fucking joking - Really
3) Tell someone who gives a fuck - Have you run that by ...................
4) No bastard told me. - I was not involved with that project
5) I don't have the fucking time - Perhaps I can work late
6) Who fucking cares - Are you sure that is a problem
7) Eat shit and die - You don't say
8) Eat shit and die motherfucker - You don't say, Sir/Madam
9) Kiss my Arse - So you would like me to help you.
10) He's a fucking prick - He is somewhat sensitive
11) She's a ball-busting bitch - She is an aggressive go-getter
12) You haven't a fucking clue - You could benefit from more training
13) This place is fucked - We are a little disorganised today
14) What sort of fucker are you? - You are new here, aren't you?
15) Fuck off shit head - Well, there you go
16) You are a fucking wanker - You are my supervisor and I respect you
17) Ha ! Suck eggs - I wasn't there that day
18) Fuck Off - I'll look into that and get back to you

Your co-operation is greatly appreciated

Thank you
H.R Department.


Ben Blaney 03/10/1999Categories: Slightly Smutty



Jade Cat Ltd.