Horoscopes
Horoscopes
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are
inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the
same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone
thinks you are a fucking jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) You are a pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and
full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) You have a wild imagination and often
think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have major influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence but are still a general bad ass.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) You are practical and persistent. You
have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people
think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a
goddamed communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) You are a quick and intelligent
thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are
inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are
a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding
other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are
always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader.
Others cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo
people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more
than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are a logical type and hate
disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect prick.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) You are optimistic and
enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck
since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are
drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) You are conservative and afraid of
taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never
been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
Muzaher Poonawala 08/28/1998Categories: Slightly Smutty