Humph's closing gems
Each week at the end of ISIHAC, BBC Radio 4's "I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue", the chairman Humphrey Lyttleton closes with a few well chosen words. These are some recent contributions remembered (or half remembered). If you remember any more, or invent your own, please add them below.
REMEMBERED
And as the George Michael of Fate enters the toilet cubicle of Destiny...
And as the loose-bowelled pigeon of Time swoops low over the tourist of eternity, and the unlicensed mini-cab of Fate gets lost in the one-way system of destiny...
And as the red red robin of Time goes bob bob bobbing under the snowplough of Eternity, and the sage and onion stuffing mixture of Fate is rammed up the eternally unfrozen turkey of Destiny...
And as the fluff ball of Time pops out of the navel of Eternity, and the nylon underpants of Fate ride uncomfortably up the cleft of Destiny...
And as the short sighted rhino of Time attempts to mount the VW Beetle of eternity, and the rubber glove of Fate gets lost in the Aberdeen Angus of destiny...
And as the great tit of Time nibbles through the gold top of Eternity, and the unseen mouse droppings of Fate nestle in the crunchy fruit and nut muesli of destiny...
And as the polyester knit of Time cleaves to the sweaty armpit of Eternity, and the nylon underpants of Fate ride uncomfortably up the cleft of Destiny...
And as the homing pigeon of Fate is sucked into the air intake of the jumbo jet of Destiny...
And as the absentminded zoo keeper of Time scrubs his loo with the startled bushbaby of Eternity...
And as the Andrex puppy of Time scampers onto the busy dual-carriageway of Eternity, and the extra-strong Meat Vindaloo of Fate confronts the 'Toilet out-of-order' sign of Destiny....
And as the chill wind of Time blows up the kilt of Eternity, and the short sighted octopus of Fate attempts to mount the bagpipes of Destiny ...
And as the frisky tomcat of Fate confronts the scalpel of Destiny, and the precious natural woodland of Time meets the motorway extension of Eternity...
And as the Ford Anglia of Time fails the MOT test of Eternity, and the dappled donkey of Fate ambles towards the abbatoir of Destiny...
And as the still-warm loo seat of Time is lifted by the charlady of Eternity, before she brandishes aloft the Toilet Duck of Destiny...
And as the delicate mayfly of Time collides with the speeding windscreen of Eternity, and the angry wasp of Fate flies up the trouser leg of Destiny...
HALF REMEMBERED
And as the eager Jack Russell of Fate straddles the hassock of Destiny...
And as the roller coaster of Fate descends the wooden tracks of Destiny, and the hamburgers of Time decant into the sick bag of Eternity ...
And as the charlady of Time shake 'n' vacs the shag-pile of Eternity, whilst the tomcat of Fate faces the scapel of Destiny...
And as the optimistic penguin of Fate waddles towards the small nun of Destiny...
something about the boiling water of Time meeting the noodles of Destiny but there was something to do with the sachet of sauce being left in...
And so before the burnished chariot of Fate is wheel-clamped by the traffic warden of Destiny...
FROM AN EARLIER SERIES ...
With my big hand pointing upwards and my little hand pointing towards my digital watch I see that it is time ...
With Mickey Mouse's big hand pointing upwards and Goofy's tail pointing downwards, I realise that my Rolex is a fake...
And as I wait at the bus-stop of the apocalypse I see that four horsemen have drawn up at once...
One look at my scuba diver's watch tells me that he's probably drowned ...
INVENTED
And as the millennium bug of Fate deletes the thesis of Destiny, and the postgraduate of Time takes his final drag from the coffee cup of Eternity...
And as the darning needle of Fate is left in the sock-heel of Destiny and the second-hand tumble dryer of Time devours the single black sock of Eternity...
And as the squeegie merchant of Fate smears the windscreen of Destiny...
And as one contributor said, "A psychologist could draw all sorts of conclusions about us from the ones we remember ..."
Ben Blaney 05/18/1999Categories: Brilliant, Clean