Man's answers to every question a woman ever asks
MAN'S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS
1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing,
we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think
the average life span of a male is typically 10 years
shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging
we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just
misunderstood.
2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think
that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the
moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are
just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain
it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one
quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men
lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by
staring as much as we can.
3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN
PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make
him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in
public is just an added bonus.
4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our
partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time
you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy
it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's
missing in so much of the world nowadays.
7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to under-
stand that men and women are different? How are we suppos-
ed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel?
Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage,
hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea
how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try
to figure out how I feel.
8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please... How many hours do you think there are in a day?
We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides
women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men...
Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go
find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on
end on the other hand is a whole other story.
9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by
evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time
without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often
necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time
while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were
able to sit very still for very extended periods of time
thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The
fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers
etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born
with this innate ability.
10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-
sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying
that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault.
It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think
it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly,
it actually still works quite well.
12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single
one of your questions. If we think we do not have the
answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply
remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much.
Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
14. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our
way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe
it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides,
holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach
cramps.
15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We
just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants
to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no
intention of killing? Err... buying?
Leo Green 08/29/2000Categories: Slightly Smutty