It's not funny

Barbie - new edition

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW
Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These
are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens
fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain,
and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her
face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these
new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus
with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe
her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft
terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and
lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is
really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone
to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue
or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a
change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor
ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and
heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house,
Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with
the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance
steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.
Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is
sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

David Davies 09/30/2002Categories: Clean

Jade Cat Ltd.