Know any Scousers?
At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge scouser bloke 6ft 5in tall and weighing 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well
dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.
After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear.
"Do want a blow job?" he whispers.
At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds
to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.
Amazed, the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that," he says. "Just what did he say to you?"
"I'm not sure," the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."
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Q: What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A. A Burglar
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Q: What do you call a Scouser in a tie?
A. The accused
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Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin
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Q: What is the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut
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Q: What do you say to a scouser in a uniform?
A: Big Mac and fries please
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Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night?
A: What you looking at?
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Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shell suit
A: The Bride
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A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing.
"We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters.
"You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided.
"Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year".
The scouser said, "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said, "Well you f***** started it!"
Rachel Goddard 08/06/2004Categories: Slightly Smutty