Best News Headlines of 2006
"Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says." - No, really?
"Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers." - That'll stop em.
"Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?" - Not if I wipe thoroughly.
"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over." - What a guy!
"Miners Refuse to Work After Death." - Good for nothing so and sos!
"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant." - See if that works any better than a fair trial.
"War Dims Hope For Peace." - Well I can see where it may have that effect.
"If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While." - You think?
"Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures." - Who would have thought?
"Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide." - They may be on to something here.
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges." - You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
"Man Struck By Lightning; Faces Battery Charge." - He probably is the battery charge
"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larget Test Group." - Weren't they fat enough?
"Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft." - That's what he gets for eating those beans!
"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks." - Taste like chicken?
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half." - Chainsaw Massacre all over again?
"Hospitals Sued by 7 Foot Doctors." - Boy, are they tall?
"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead." - Says it all, really.
John Chapman 01/15/2007Categories: Clean, Brilliant