The Grim Reaper came for me last night, but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Blimey, talk about Dyson with death.
They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing but I have my suspicions something weird is going on.
Yesterday I saw 20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out
I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act, but it keeps asking me to "press 1 for the money, 2 for the show......"
I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge.
You should have seen his face light up when he opened it.
He moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him over a couple of radiators.
Just a little house warming present.
I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house.
I think he's lost his rag.
I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with
2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil.
The plot thickens!!!
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
"B*ll*cks to this," I thought. "I can get one cheaper off the web."
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Barney Green 01/03/2012Categories: Clean