It's not funny

Various funnies

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Blimey, talk about Dyson with death.

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They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing but I have my suspicions something weird is going on.

Yesterday I saw 20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out

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I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act, but it keeps asking me to "press 1 for the money, 2 for the show......"

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I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge.

You should have seen his face light up when he opened it.

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He moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him over a couple of radiators.

Just a little house warming present.

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I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my house.

I think he's lost his rag.

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I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with
2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2 inches of soil.

The plot thickens!!!

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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...

I thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!

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A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.

A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

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My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were 70!!!

"B*ll*cks to this," I thought. "I can get one cheaper off the web."

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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

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I start a new job in Seoul next week.

I thought it was a good Korea move.

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I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.


Barney Green 01/03/2012Categories: Clean



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